My "bestfriend" Ana

Ana is not really a friend, ana wants me dead you see, she wants me to be unhappy, she doesn't want me having friends, she wants me all to herself, she loves when I lie to my parents and only makes me feel successful if I do what she says. Ana is my eating disorder, she makes me feel like the only way to be happy is to starve, she says if I skip my meals I have great self control, I am incontrol, I have good will power if I skip this meal, it will make me happy, right? She makes me feel lonely and no one else understands me like she does, she's always there, she's that voice in my head, their was a point in my life where I lost Christie, she just didn't seem to be there, I was all ana. I lost my friends, I constantly fought with my parents, my relationship with my boyfriend was ending, I was constantly cold, I didn't want a life, suffered from anxiety and depression, I just wanted to excersise and starve, I was sick, mentally and physically, Physically to a point where I almost died. At my lowest weight 35.6kg, at the height of 159cm I was rushed into hospital on my 17th birthday from a dangerously low heart rate, my body was dying, it was calapsing, I was struggling to live. "ana did this, it's all her fault. I thought she was my friend, I thought she was the only person that loved me, why is she trying to kill me?" Only to realise I did it. I starved myself. I was the reason my body was eating it's self. I was the reason I almost died. And the sooner I realised this, the sooner I realised only I am incontrol of my thoughts, only I can kill ana. I'm probably 2 weeks out of hospital still batteling my thoughts everyday but I am more aware of what path I need to take, because I know if I want my life back I have to destroy ana, I have to fuel my body with beautiful nutrient food, to nourish my mind body and soul, I need to know I am in control of my thoughts, and bony and sick isn't perfect, what is perfect? Perfect is health! Because without health we are nothing.  yes she does come out from time to time, yes it's a struggle but I am fighting everyday for my life, I use to fight to be normal, but I really have noidea what normal is anymore, so now, I fight for happiness, I see myself improving everyday, little steps but theirs movement . Yes I have my down days, but you've got to remember to keep fighting for YOUR FREEDOM, YOUR HEALTH, YOUR LIFE. 

Just rememberer every bite you take, ana dies a little more, in order to heal you must eat every meal. 

Christie Lee ¥